Better Than What?

Boy: It's better than being felt up by some random 30 year old.
Girl: He wasn't THIRTY!
Boy: How do you know?

A Designer What?

Woman on Phone: ...a designer bear?...a designer BEAR?....What's a designer bear?....oh, no....oh, no...what did you say to her?...OH NO!....Does she want one?

To You or For You

Woman: Did I tell you he confessed his undying love to me?
Man: OH MY GOD.  Did you hear Cheryl told him off............
Woman: I caught the tail end of that....

Maybe You Should Work On Your Need To Share Personal Information

Co-worker: Hi, how are you?
Customer: I'm fine. I'm okay....you know.
Co-worker: good
Customer: I'm having counselling.
Co-worker: Yes.
Customer: I'm having counselling.
Co-worker: Yes.........you're studying that, aren't you?
Customer: Yes. I am. But I'm also having counselling. I need it. I need counselling. I do.

Like a Club

Girl: .......they're all virgins.....they're ALL virgins....

How Low Can You Go?

Silly Girl: And he was like you can bend over a little bit...a little bit.. and I was like then I'd hurt my back and not my knees and I was like then I'd need a back rub and he was like I need a back rub.............OK, come here then...and he was like what...and I was like come here then...come over here.

Umm, OK. Now Can You Pay For Your Coffee?

Me: Hi, What's your drink?
Customer: Hmmm
Me: What's your drink?
Customer: I've shrunk
Co-worker: Sorry?
Customer: I've shrunk...I've shrunk an inch and a half.  I've lost an inch and a half.
Me: Oh.
Co-worker: Oh, dear.  That does happen.
Customer:  Does it?
Me: hmm
Co-worker: Yes, it does.  Maybe it's your back
Customer: I do have trouble with my back. I'm supposed to see the consultant.  But if they want to to do surgury I'm not.  I'm cancelling it because it's too dangerous.
Co-worker: Oh no.  If THEY think it's too dangerous.  Then it must be.  That must be it.
Customer.  Well, it's since my complete hysterectomy.  Maybe that's it.  Maybe that's made me lose an inch and a half.
Me: maybe.  80p please.
Co-worker: OH, that must be it.
Customer:  I'm not happy.  I'm not happy at all.
Me: Well, it happens.
Customer:  Does it?
Me: Yes, when we get older.  We all shrink.
Customer: Do we?
Co-worker: Yes, that's true.
Me:  80p?
Customer:  I'm not happy.  I'm really not.

All About Shoes

Big Boy: ..he had these shoes....like plimsoles..but not...not plimsoles...like shoes...but plimsoles.
Tiny Boy: For wearing around the house..
Cool Boy: My girlfriend's DAD has those.

SOIRees?

Odd Boy:...........soirees and that....

If He Doesn't Kill You, She Will

Boy: My mum is going to kill me...she goes...she goes... if you get in that car with him and he drives fast you will never ride with him again....so he goes up my road at like SIXTY MILES AN HOUR...

A Question and a Reaction

Blond Girl: Do you think my boyfriend is gay?
Brunette:  He is....he is when he's with me.
Blond Girl : I nearly wet myself.

Don't Knock Yourself

Short Boy:  She'll probably change her mind when she sees me in person.
Tall Boy: No, she's already seen you.
Short Boy: oh...is she the one in the red skirt....how tall is she?

Where's My Invite?

Fat Friend:  So at the moment I'm stuck in the 'friend zone'.  The FRIEND zone.
Skinny Friend: Yeah.
Fat Friend:  But just wait til Toby's party..........then I won't be held responsible.
Fat Friend: I'm just saying.
Skinny Friend: Why wasn't I invited to Toby's party?
Fat Friend:  Dunno.
Skinny Friend: Everybody else is invited.
Fat Friend:  Luke's not.
Skinny Friend:  yeah....welll....
Fat Friend:  Luke tried to invite himself.........he was going......hey Toby....when's the party.
Skinny Friend: Luke's a knobhead.

In Dreams

Friend: Why would you chose Cheryl COLE?
Dreamer: It was a DREAM.