Friday, 24 September 2010


Boy: ...everytime I'm around Megan...I swear.........there's like....there's FIRE.
Friend:..yeah, like...
Boy: The thing is...the thing is.. she's... she's...

Wednesday, 22 September 2010

Old News

Blond: You know Gavin.
Friend: Yes
Blond: He's gay.
Friend: I know.
Blond: He has a boyfriend.
Friend:  I KNOW.

Friday, 23 July 2010

HOW are you?

Woman on Phone: I'm in a really bad mood now....Would you rather I not tell you?...No....I'm just in a really bad mood.

Tuesday, 20 July 2010


Girl on Phone: Why Kieren?.....Why Kieren?...Why Kieren?....Why Kieren though?....It's a......It's a thing

Monday, 19 July 2010

I Really Don't Know What I'd Do

Girl: What would you do if someone gave you a cup with powder in and told you to add milk?
Girl: What would you do?

Friday, 16 July 2010

Well, That Was Stupid

Woman on phone: I gave him 90 quid.  He said 'would mind paying this for me?'. And now he won't give it back because we're no longer together.

Tuesday, 13 July 2010

I'll Show Her

Blond: She's so arrogant.
Brunette: High and Mighty.
Blond: Definitely.
Brunette: I really can't stand her.
Blond: She really does my head in.
Brunette: I hope I have a better job than her when I'm her age.

Friday, 9 July 2010

The Sad Truth

Romantic Girl: When you say something really romantic and he says 'Awww, me too.' Does that mean he really means it?
True Friend: Probably not.
Romantic Girl: That's what I thought.

Thursday, 20 May 2010

Something Special

Man on Phone: Maybe...maybe...maybe a pair of trousers to wear underneath to put your wallet in...AWESOME....not as hot as you expect..That would be something special.

Fiddling the Expenses

Man: Anything that is really expenses.
Woman: They shouldn't be out of pocket.
Woman: I'm not talking about travel or transport.
Man: But they shouldn't make a profit.
Woman: I suspect some people might twist it a bit.

Wednesday, 19 May 2010

Changing the Subject

Blond Girl: I bumped into Tom yesterday.
Other Blond: From here?
Blond Girl: Yes
Other Blond: Was he staring at you?
Blond Girl: It was so awkward.
Blond Girl: Did Daisy have maths today?
Other Blond: I didn't see her car.

Tuesday, 18 May 2010

Be Yourself

Blond Girl: ...not letting himself be himself.
Blond Girl: All the things that are good for us get in the way.
Friend: um, like, yeah.

Monday, 17 May 2010

Up In Smoke

Dopey Boy: soon as we started smoking it...we were just all sitting down...yeah, we were all sitting down....and I stood up..and as soon as I stood up my ears started ears just started ringing

Friday, 14 May 2010

How To Tell The Difference

Girl on Phone: And she's got a mole on her face and I haven't.
Girl on Phone: What?
Girl on Phone: A fin?
Girl on Phone: yes
Girl on Phone: yes

Wednesday, 12 May 2010

What Do You Think She's Talking About?

Girl on Phone: Oh, you're not.
Girl on Phone: What are you going to get?
Girl on Phone: Apparently it really hurts on the back of your neck.

Tuesday, 11 May 2010

Me Either

Blond Girl: I don't like Godzilla. She does my head in.
Brunette: Mine too.

Monday, 10 May 2010

Oh, Dear

Worried Girl: He's not going to be pleased with me.
Worried Girl: He's not going to be pleased with me.
Friend: No
Worried Girl: I still have time to get the pill though.
Worried Girl: What day is it?
Worried Girl: um...Sunday....
Friend: SHHHHHH.

Thursday, 6 May 2010

That Might Actually Be Your Fault

Girl: Every time she's ever seen me before I've actually been drunk out of my face. So, it's not my fault.

Let's Do It!

Foreign Man: *hands me stuff*
Foreign Man: Let's do it! OK!
Me: What did you say?
Foreign Man: That's OK to say! Right?
Me: No.
Me: No. Don't say that.
Me: Don't ever say that ever again. To anybody.

Wednesday, 5 May 2010

Who Are YOU Looking At?

Girl: Why are we being stared at? I don't understand.

Thursday, 29 April 2010

You Are What You Drink, Apparently

Latte Drinker: A large latte.
Coffee Drinker: Why don't you drink coffee, you big homo?
Latte Drinker: Latte is coffee.
Coffee Drinker: No, it isn't. A LARGE LATTE.
Latte Drinker: A large latte.

Wednesday, 28 April 2010

You Know Aaron?

Brunette: You Know Aaron?
Blonde: Your BOYFRIEND?
Brunette: Well....yes...but not for long.

Plotting Revenge

Angry Girl: I'm getting as much evidence as I can now.

Angry Girl: I'm just gonna shove it in Kelly's face.

An Email From Eleanor

Man: I got an email from Eleanor this morning.
Woman: Eleanor?
Man: She said she was disappointed that she felt ignored.

Monday, 26 April 2010

Who Were YOU Talking About?

Boy 1: I think we're talking about the wrong one.
Boy 2: I know exactly who you're talking about.
Boy 1: Is it the one who just walked past us?
Boy 2: Yes
Boy 1. She's alright.

Thanks For Sharing

Boy: I hardly have any hair under my arms.

Monday, 19 April 2010

Weird AND Creepy

Creepy Boy: In future don't make jokes about people's friends dying.
Normal Boy: *confused look*
Creepy Boy: you shouldn't make jokes about people's friends.
Normal Boy: What are you on about?
Creepy Boy: About seven weekes ago. About seven or eight weeks ago you made a joke about Ed. You made a joke about Ed had died.
Normal Boy: I never said that.
Creepy Body: You made a joke
Normal Boy: I never said that.
Creepy Boy: You did. And now he's dead.
Normal Boy: WHAT?
Creepy Boy: He's dead.
Normal Boy: No, he isn't
Creepy Boy. He is.
Normal Boy: I've known Ed for ten years. I know him really well. He's not dead.
Creepy Boy: In future you should know that you're.... You should know.
Creepy Boy: *leaves*
Me: That was creepy.
Normal Boy: It was!
Me: Do you know him?
Normal Boy: NO!
Me: You should phone Ed though.
Normal Boy: I'm GOING to.

Tell Us How Many Times

Blond Girl: Do you know how many times he's cheated on her?
Other Blond Girl: YES!
Blond Girl: Do you know how many times?

Thursday, 1 April 2010

You Like Me, Don't You?

Stalker: You see what good mates we've become, don't you
Stalkee: What do you mean?
Stalker: You don't get on this well with Chelsea.
Stalkee: hmmm
Stalker: I don't get all grumpy like her, do I?

Tuesday, 30 March 2010

It's Not Us, It's Him

Angry Woman on Phone: Both of us argue when you're with him
AWOP: We Both Argue.
AWOP: I admit that I started it.
AWOP: I admit that.

Friday, 19 March 2010

Milk? Really?

Shy Boy: I feel awkward having milk in public places.
Friend: oh

Thursday, 18 March 2010

Don't Get Stressed Out, Mum

Crying Girl: I don't have any money
CG: And I don't know what to do.
CG:Only £2 for the bus.
CG: Am I not allowed to come home?
CG: I'm only asking
CG: Don't get stressed out, Mum.
CG: I really needed it.

Wednesday, 17 March 2010

She Doesn't Care

Pretty Angry Woman on Phone: I just explained to you.
PAWOP: Stop showing off for your friends.
PAWOP: I just explained to you.
PAWOP: I just explained to you.
PAWOP: I don't care.
PAWOP: I don't care.

Thursday, 11 March 2010

Just Dessets

Angry woman: So what he doesn't know. What he doesn't know is that I am entitled to maintenence. Yes, I am going to get an allowance.
Her friend who doesn't really care: hmmm
AW: Yes, you see I haven't told him.
HFWDRC: He doesn't realize?
AW: No. Well, he shouldn't have left me in the first place.

Wednesday, 3 March 2010

Two Snooty Women

Woman with long hair: once we get reacquainted with the concept
Friend with glasses: I am honestly appalled

Tuesday, 23 February 2010

Tattoo Boy

Tatoo boy: but the one that really hurt was the one on my winky.
Other boy: oh?
Tatoo boy: Yeah...I have Porn Star tattooed on it.
Other boy: REALLY?
Tatoo boy: says PORN on the one end and then has a star.