Fiiirrrreee

Boy: ...everytime I'm around Megan...I swear.........there's like....there's FIRE.
Friend:..yeah, like...
Boy: The thing is...the thing is.. she's... she's...

Old News

Blond: You know Gavin.
Friend: Yes
Blond: He's gay.
Friend: I know.
Blond: He has a boyfriend.
Friend:  I KNOW.

HOW are you?

Woman on Phone: I'm in a really bad mood now....Would you rather I not tell you?...No....I'm just in a really bad mood.

WHY?

Girl on Phone: Why Kieren?.....Why Kieren?...Why Kieren?....Why Kieren though?....It's a......It's a thing

I Really Don't Know What I'd Do

Girl: What would you do if someone gave you a cup with powder in and told you to add milk?
Girl: What would you do?

Well, That Was Stupid

Woman on phone: I gave him 90 quid.  He said 'would mind paying this for me?'. And now he won't give it back because we're no longer together.

I'll Show Her

Blond: She's so arrogant.
Brunette: High and Mighty.
Blond: Definitely.
Brunette: I really can't stand her.
Blond: She really does my head in.
Brunette: I hope I have a better job than her when I'm her age.

The Sad Truth

Romantic Girl: When you say something really romantic and he says 'Awww, me too.' Does that mean he really means it?
True Friend: Probably not.
Romantic Girl: That's what I thought.

Something Special

Man on Phone: Maybe...maybe...maybe a pair of trousers to wear underneath to put your wallet in...AWESOME....not as hot as you expect..That would be something special.

Fiddling the Expenses

Man: Anything that is really expenses.
Woman: They shouldn't be out of pocket.
Woman: I'm not talking about travel or transport.
Man: But they shouldn't make a profit.
Woman: I suspect some people might twist it a bit.

Changing the Subject

Blond Girl: I bumped into Tom yesterday.
Other Blond: From here?
Blond Girl: Yes
Other Blond: Was he staring at you?
Blond Girl: It was so awkward.
Blond Girl: Did Daisy have maths today?
Other Blond: I didn't see her car.

Be Yourself

Blond Girl: ...not letting himself be himself.
Blond Girl: All the things that are good for us get in the way.
Friend: um, like, yeah.

Up In Smoke

Dopey Boy: ...as soon as we started smoking it...we were just all sitting down...yeah, we were all sitting down....and I stood up..and as soon as I stood up my ears started ringing...yeah...my ears just started ringing

How To Tell The Difference

Girl on Phone: And she's got a mole on her face and I haven't.
Girl on Phone: What?
Girl on Phone: A fin?
Girl on Phone: yes
Girl on Phone: yes

What Do You Think She's Talking About?

Girl on Phone: Oh, you're not.
Girl on Phone: What are you going to get?
Girl on Phone: Apparently it really hurts on the back of your neck.

Me Either

Blond Girl: I don't like Godzilla. She does my head in.
Brunette: Mine too.

Oh, Dear

Worried Girl: He's not going to be pleased with me.
Worried Girl: He's not going to be pleased with me.
Friend: No
Worried Girl: I still have time to get the pill though.
Worried Girl: What day is it?
Worried Girl: um...Sunday....
Friend: SHHHHHH.

That Might Actually Be Your Fault

Girl: Every time she's ever seen me before I've actually been drunk out of my face. So, it's not my fault.

Let's Do It!

Foreign Man: *hands me stuff*
Foreign Man: Let's do it! OK!
Me: What did you say?
Foreign Man: That's OK to say! Right?
Me: No.
Me: No. Don't say that.
Me: Don't ever say that ever again. To anybody.

Who Are YOU Looking At?

Girl: Why are we being stared at? I don't understand.

You Are What You Drink, Apparently

Latte Drinker: A large latte.
Coffee Drinker: Why don't you drink coffee, you big homo?
Latte Drinker: Latte is coffee.
Coffee Drinker: No, it isn't. A LARGE LATTE.
Latte Drinker: A large latte.

You Know Aaron?

Brunette: You Know Aaron?
Blonde: Your BOYFRIEND?
Brunette: Well....yes...but not for long.

Plotting Revenge

Angry Girl: I'm getting as much evidence as I can now.

Angry Girl: I'm just gonna shove it in Kelly's face.

An Email From Eleanor

Man: I got an email from Eleanor this morning.
Woman: Eleanor?
Man: She said she was disappointed that she felt ignored.

Who Were YOU Talking About?

Boy 1: I think we're talking about the wrong one.
Boy 2: I know exactly who you're talking about.
Boy 1: Is it the one who just walked past us?
Boy 2: Yes
Boy 1. She's alright.

Thanks For Sharing

Boy: I hardly have any hair under my arms.

Weird AND Creepy

Creepy Boy: In future don't make jokes about people's friends dying.
Normal Boy: *confused look*
Creepy Boy: you shouldn't make jokes about people's friends.
Normal Boy: What are you on about?
Creepy Boy: About seven weekes ago. About seven or eight weeks ago you made a joke about Ed. You made a joke about Ed had died.
Normal Boy: I never said that.
Creepy Body: You made a joke
Normal Boy: I never said that.
Creepy Boy: You did. And now he's dead.
Normal Boy: WHAT?
Creepy Boy: He's dead.
Normal Boy: No, he isn't
Creepy Boy. He is.
Normal Boy: I've known Ed for ten years. I know him really well. He's not dead.
Creepy Boy: In future you should know that you're.... You should know.
Creepy Boy: *leaves*
Me: That was creepy.
Normal Boy: It was!
Me: Do you know him?
Normal Boy: NO!
Me: You should phone Ed though.
Normal Boy: I'm GOING to.

Tell Us How Many Times

Blond Girl: Do you know how many times he's cheated on her?
Other Blond Girl: YES!
Blond Girl: Do you know how many times?

You Like Me, Don't You?

Stalker: You see what good mates we've become, don't you
Stalkee: What do you mean?
Stalker: You don't get on this well with Chelsea.
Stalkee: hmmm
Stalker: I don't get all grumpy like her, do I?

It's Not Us, It's Him

Angry Woman on Phone: Both of us argue when you're with him
AWOP: We Both Argue.
AWOP: I admit that I started it.
AWOP: I admit that.

Milk? Really?

Shy Boy: I feel awkward having milk in public places.
Friend: oh

Don't Get Stressed Out, Mum

Crying Girl: I don't have any money
CG: And I don't know what to do.
CG:Only £2 for the bus.
CG: Am I not allowed to come home?
CG: I'm only asking
CG: Don't get stressed out, Mum.
CG: I really needed it.

She Doesn't Care

Pretty Angry Woman on Phone: I just explained to you.
PAWOP: Stop showing off for your friends.
PAWOP: I just explained to you.
PAWOP: I just explained to you.
PAWOP: I don't care.
PAWOP: I don't care.

Just Dessets

Angry woman: So what he doesn't know. What he doesn't know is that I am entitled to maintenence. Yes, I am going to get an allowance.
Her friend who doesn't really care: hmmm
AW: Yes, you see I haven't told him.
HFWDRC: He doesn't realize?
AW: No. Well, he shouldn't have left me in the first place.

Two Snooty Women

Woman with long hair: once we get reacquainted with the concept
Friend with glasses: I am honestly appalled

Tattoo Boy

Tatoo boy: but the one that really hurt was the one on my winky.
Other boy: oh?
Tatoo boy: Yeah...I have Porn Star tattooed on it.
Other boy: REALLY?
Tatoo boy: Yeah...it says PORN on the one end and then has a star.