Friday, 23 September 2011

The Horror

Blond Girl: I just gave my worst enemy a ciggie!

Thursday, 22 September 2011

I Agree. WHAT?

Boy: Can I have some cheesy Doritos?
Girl: God, you're moody
Boy: What?

Wednesday, 21 September 2011

I Guess Luke

Skinny Boy:  See if you can guess my favorite Jedi and my favorite bad guy.
Fat Boy: Mumble
Skinny Boy: No
Fat Boy: Mumble
Skinny Boy: No
Skinny Boy:  For good guy I would have to say Master Yoda...for bad guy I would go Darth Maul.
Fat Boy:  I would personally go with Yoda.

But What About Her Personality?

Boy:....big head...yeah that's the one he went out with.

Tuesday, 20 September 2011

Strike Fast

Smiley Boy:  I had to strike as fast as I could.  I have learned a few skills, Jack.

Monday, 19 September 2011

Pass It On

Odd Boy: Pass it on.  It does matter.

Who Is They?

Tall Boy: ...and also their theory as well to Mother Earth....we all know earth was created....they always say Scientology is a made up religion and I always think to myself.....mumble mumble...a way to explain things...They didn't have the knowledge we have today....

Tuesday, 21 June 2011


Brunette: I keep telling my boyfriend to eat more...he's too skinny.
Blond: Who?
Brunette: My boyfriend.
Blond: He's not skinny.
Brunette: He is. He's tall and lanky. He's skinny. And lanky.
Blond: He is not
Brunette: You've never met him.
Blond : He doesn't look skinny in his pictures.
Brunette: He is. He's lanky. Wait til you meet him. He's six foot tall. And lanky.
Blond: Lanky........lanky......lanky....lanky.....LANKy....LANKY....lankY...lanky....lanky...lanky...

Monday, 20 June 2011


Tired Girl: I think I have diabetes.
Friend: Why?
Tired Girl: Because I keep falling asleep all the time.

Friday, 17 June 2011

A Blue Tattoo Speaks For Itself

Girl: .....I think he's a bit gay
Friend: He DOES have a blue tattoo.
Other Friend: I don't even think he's that good looking.

A Good Reason

Girl : NO! DON'T! He already thinks I'm obsessed with him.

Thursday, 16 June 2011

Well, I'd Remember That

First Girl: That was really weird...He MUST remember me...
Second Girl: You should write back...
First Girl: Yeah, it's me. The girl who sleeps with everyone.

Wednesday, 15 June 2011

Maybe You Shouldn't Have Listened

Girl on phone: You told me to prank you.... you told me to prank told me to prank you....why are you talking over me?......You told me to prank you and I did......Why are you doing this?

Tuesday, 14 June 2011

Like We All Do

Brunettte: So she said 'be aware that because you have no experience they're going to look down their noses at you'.
Blond: Yeah....
Brunette: I'm going to have to sit there nodding like a dog on a dashboard.
Blond: I do that anyway.

Wednesday, 18 May 2011

She Really Said That?

Trendy Boy: Did you?
Other Boy: mumble mumble
Trendy Boy: Really?  Did you?
Other Boy: mumble mumble
Trendy Boy: Who was it?
Other Boy: mumble mumble
Trendy Boy: Who broke up with who?
Other Boy: mumble mumble
Trendy Boy: So was it....
Other Boy: mumble mumble
Trendy Boy: She SAID that?
Other Boy: mumble mumble
Trendy Boy: She SAID 'it's not you it's me'?
Third Boy: She ACTUALLY said 'it's not you, it's me'!

Monday, 16 May 2011

You ARE Bad

Brunette: I'm not
Brunette: I'm NOT
Blonde: You ARE bad.
Blonde: You ARE.
Blonde: Because you're actually forming a relationship.
Brunette: It's not like he'll ever find out.
Brunette:  How would he?

It Could Be Anything

Tall Girl: Where are we supposed to put our stuff.
Short Girl: Where are we suppossed to put our stuff.
Tall Girl: I have my purse in there.
Short Girl: I have YOU KNOW WHAT.


First Man: It's s a shame that Danni's leaving.
Second Man: What?
First Man: It's a shame Danni's leaving.
Second Man: Yes
First Man: It's only in the last 2 to 3 months that she's started to nail that agenda.
Second Man: Shame

Monday, 9 May 2011

Better Than What?

Boy: It's better than being felt up by some random 30 year old.
Girl: He wasn't THIRTY!
Boy: How do you know?

A Designer What?

Woman on Phone: ...a designer bear?...a designer BEAR?....What's a designer bear?....oh, no....oh, no...what did you say to her?...OH NO!....Does she want one?

Wednesday, 6 April 2011

To You or For You

Woman: Did I tell you he confessed his undying love to me?
Man: OH MY GOD.  Did you hear Cheryl told him off............
Woman: I caught the tail end of that....

Friday, 1 April 2011

Maybe You Should Work On Your Need To Share Personal Information

Co-worker: Hi, how are you?
Customer: I'm fine. I'm know.
Co-worker: good
Customer: I'm having counselling.
Co-worker: Yes.
Customer: I'm having counselling.
Co-worker:'re studying that, aren't you?
Customer: Yes. I am. But I'm also having counselling. I need it. I need counselling. I do.

Thursday, 31 March 2011

Like a Club

Girl: .......they're all virgins.....they're ALL virgins....

Tuesday, 29 March 2011

How Low Can You Go?

Silly Girl: And he was like you can bend over a little bit...a little bit.. and I was like then I'd hurt my back and not my knees and I was like then I'd need a back rub and he was like I need a back rub.............OK, come here then...and he was like what...and I was like come here then...come over here.

Umm, OK. Now Can You Pay For Your Coffee?

Me: Hi, What's your drink?
Customer: Hmmm
Me: What's your drink?
Customer: I've shrunk
Co-worker: Sorry?
Customer: I've shrunk...I've shrunk an inch and a half.  I've lost an inch and a half.
Me: Oh.
Co-worker: Oh, dear.  That does happen.
Customer:  Does it?
Me: hmm
Co-worker: Yes, it does.  Maybe it's your back
Customer: I do have trouble with my back. I'm supposed to see the consultant.  But if they want to to do surgury I'm not.  I'm cancelling it because it's too dangerous.
Co-worker: Oh no.  If THEY think it's too dangerous.  Then it must be.  That must be it.
Customer.  Well, it's since my complete hysterectomy.  Maybe that's it.  Maybe that's made me lose an inch and a half.
Me: maybe.  80p please.
Co-worker: OH, that must be it.
Customer:  I'm not happy.  I'm not happy at all.
Me: Well, it happens.
Customer:  Does it?
Me: Yes, when we get older.  We all shrink.
Customer: Do we?
Co-worker: Yes, that's true.
Me:  80p?
Customer:  I'm not happy.  I'm really not.

Monday, 21 March 2011

All About Shoes

Big Boy: ..he had these plimsoles..but not...not shoes...but plimsoles.
Tiny Boy: For wearing around the house..
Cool Boy: My girlfriend's DAD has those.


Odd Boy:...........soirees and that....

Friday, 11 March 2011

If He Doesn't Kill You, She Will

Boy: My mum is going to kill me...she goes...she goes... if you get in that car with him and he drives fast you will never ride with him he goes up my road at like SIXTY MILES AN HOUR...

Thursday, 10 March 2011

A Question and a Reaction

Blond Girl: Do you think my boyfriend is gay?
Brunette:  He is....he is when he's with me.
Blond Girl : I nearly wet myself.

Tuesday, 1 March 2011

Don't Knock Yourself

Short Boy:  She'll probably change her mind when she sees me in person.
Tall Boy: No, she's already seen you.
Short Boy: she the one in the red tall is she?

Friday, 18 February 2011

Where's My Invite?

Fat Friend:  So at the moment I'm stuck in the 'friend zone'.  The FRIEND zone.
Skinny Friend: Yeah.
Fat Friend:  But just wait til Toby's party..........then I won't be held responsible.
Fat Friend: I'm just saying.
Skinny Friend: Why wasn't I invited to Toby's party?
Fat Friend:  Dunno.
Skinny Friend: Everybody else is invited.
Fat Friend:  Luke's not.
Skinny Friend:  yeah....welll....
Fat Friend:  Luke tried to invite himself.........he was going......hey Toby....when's the party.
Skinny Friend: Luke's a knobhead.

Thursday, 17 February 2011

In Dreams

Friend: Why would you chose Cheryl COLE?
Dreamer: It was a DREAM.